I Heart Peanut Butter

Oh yes I found this fabulous blog called “Decor8″.
I am so in love with it.
Holly Elisabeth Becker is the owner of this artful and very fun Interior design site. She has fantabulous ideas and great links to all the great home goodies I love to buy.
Check it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I listen to Open Source w/Christopher Lydon all the time. But today was the 1st day I have felt very strongly about the subject.
It is about Community and National Service, a way for the country to utilize civilians for community service and national service . An alternative to the military per say.
I feel this works everyday in the form of Americorps programs, while some argue that it is a waste of government funding I see it as shaping up our country, using the energetic-ness of the youth of the US and serving our own people.

Here is the link to the subject at hand and the comments. I have posted quite a few today so please feel free to read or at least skim and find “mscrystallee”.

Open Source : “Do Americans need to Serve?”

Seems like all my entries as of late are quick, not thought out and trash. Yeah that is it. Trash.
I pledge to stop that.
Well I was going to write my review on “Pan’s Labyrinth” but Neil beat me to it and I feel like it is not an original thought when I also write a review. I will mention I have always had a love for foreign films, maybe it is the fact that you get to imagine the story line more, what I mean is that yeah the subtitles usually do the best job they can at translating what they are saying, but it is always rough. So you get to put yourself in there shoes and be the character. It was like when I was in Mexico and I saw a very small budget Mexican film, no subtitles. It is an escape…A journey…it opens your mind and makes you see what the director was trying to create.

I have decided I need to gain “me” back. I have been so lost in the world of home decor and working. I have lost myself. I know I have mentioned this in the past but what the fuck happened to me. The girl whose whole life was art, movies and music. Now I am just fucking boring and normal. Who the fuck wants to be normal. I have been looking at taking a few classes at the Worcester Center for Crafts once more, I have taken one in the past and I loved it. They even offer 1 night classes, something that brings be back. I am drained, tired and bored. What happened to the endless art shows, craft fairs and other forms of media that inspired me, now I am just bored. What happened to hours of mindless doodling. This was where I thought of my best ideas.
I need not just want this back. Once I am all settled into the new home, I need to dedicate time to me….improving any talents I once had. Fuck housework….fuck bills and fuck having two jobs. It all drains the life out of me. It is not me …………… But who is it?

As the cover story for the Worcester Magazine states…
They have to find people to fill all these condos they are building.
As I have mentioned a few times in this blog people like the Fremont Lofts and University Place have both built before thinking.
Over saturation of the housing market at this time, downward turn in sales of houses and interest rates still not where people want them.
I am glad we went with the choice we did because we have a beautiful condo that feels like a house. All 1300 sq feet of it. It will attract others and everyone that has seen it has falling in love with it.
But it does scare me a bit that the new Kettle Brook Lofts are going up only a mile or so from my home and there will be more “trendy” housing for people to choose…
Read the article…..

So today is day 5 on South Beach Diet, not as bad as I thought it would be. I seriously think how could this be a bad lifestyle choice. No processed foods…no sugars…no carbs and so on… I am cooking all my food, I know what is in it . I think it is a fine choice
I will write more on that next week.

Today is Friday and I need to look thru pics for “Photofriday” the theme today is “brother” how about the pic of my brother Jay at NYE a couple years ago……no that will not fly.

This weekend is the 1st weekend in awhile that will not be 100% dedicated to home improvement, Neil and I are both pretty tired at this point. We work two jobs, do house work and personal things after 9:30pm every night , work on the house each weekend from morning to night……We need a small break.
Tonight going to see “Pans Labyrinth” by director Guillermo del Toro . He was on Fresh Air on NPR the other day and I feel even more infatuated with the movie. So tonight here we come. Seems that Worcester North Cinemas is now dedicating 4 of there cinemas to “Art House” films now. I say well overdue in the Worcester area. Sucks having to go to Providence or Kenmore Sq to see a foreign or B Rated film.
Then tomorrow we will work at the Want Ad and then go home relax and then go to the Worcester Sharks game at the DCU center…Should be entertaining.

Current conditions as of 9:54 am EST
Fair
Feels Like:
-18°
Barometer:
29.74 in and falling
3°
High: 12° Low: 4°

So it is 3 degrees outside right now…feels like -18 wow lovely…

As I laugh as the smokers come in from break, wondering how this temp can no make someone quit….

I wanna be home under a cozy blanket snuggling with the boy ..

Life sure gets ahead of you… Wow been a week since I have posted. With working, catching up with a girlie friend and working on the house…..I have NOOOO Time.
Go to www.4rilla.blogspot.com to see posted pics of the house thus far…
We got the small room cleared out with all the boxes….set up the elliptical, yet something is still not right with it because I used it the other night and a part went flying across the room, it did this 2 more times in the 35 minutes I worked out…Check it out tonight
Today is day 3 of the South Beach Diet….no carbs….no sugar or starches… I only have had a headache once and that was last night because I went to long without eating. But I am proud of myself..No candy temptations and my greatest boy in the world picked me up some Absolutely Free Chocolate pops….for being fat free, sugar free, lactose free and gluten free….they taste damn good..
But not much else is up as of right now…
update to my last post we have now received about 3/4″ snow all winter….gotta love it..

YUCK is all I can say.

To this day since the beginning of winter we have had all but a dusting, not even a snowfall. Liek 1/16 of an inch…and if that because nothing stuck. So I don’t think 68 inches will fall in the next two months. I take that back, I am in denial.

No snow, not even the ice storm that hit the rest of the eastern seaboard and midwest. Yesterday we had 40 degree weather and RAIN…and more Drizzle…but no ice…..

I have been receiving alot of hits for the Fremont Lofts here in Worcester.
If I can give any advice to people, stay away…………….
See they will mess with prices, they will offer deals that could save you 10k over a couple years with intrest buy down programs, free condo fees for a year and such. Then take that away and offer 5k off the price of as unit and try to act like it is a deal. I did alot of research because at one point we even made an offer, but soon learned unless you are willing to pay what they want you too , then you will be screwed. There is NO Negotiation.
Here is how I see it, they have been for sale for almost a year next month. I am sure there was plenty of presales also. They had 90- some odd units and still have about 20 something to sell. In a couple years about 50% will be looking at selling there units that they have now lost money with because there will be a overwhelming amount for sale and possiably still others that never sold from the orginal sale. What would you prefer a unit that has been lived in or one that is brand spanking new. The workmenship is not that great either…
So seriously look for something else if looking for a loft/ condo in Worcester.
The Fremont Lofts

There is a lot in my head at this time. I mean life is good. Just becoming a little to routine for me, I have a problem with that. Sometimes I miss the spontantiy of the old me, the one who would say ok I have been at my job to long or hell I need to get in a car to go somewhere, anywhere.
I think the overwhelmingness of the last few weeks makes for that need to escape. This is no reflection on my relationships or anything but things just seem to average, normal whatever for me.
I have spent most of my life on the “run” per say. I have went when I feel like it, do what I feel like it. Sometimes I think I am a man and not a women for the aspect of freedom. I think once my very smart and caring stepfather said “ marriage, you would never survive, it is far to much an institution for someone like you” sometimes I thought he was right. But then the part of me that does wish I was like everyone else thinks, whats the big deal people commite everyday.
But what I learn about myself is the amount of sacrifice that it takes to go all the way with one person for the rest of your life. Neil and I may not be married but we did buy a house together, we did decide to make a life together and even this is so much more then just living in a small apartment together. So part of this whole process scares me and pushes me saying “ wait a minute I want some say”. I have had a real hard time with the letting go of some of the décor and such of the new home. It is really hard for me, because this is the one thing in life I am passionate about. My home is my empire, it is the place that everyone I know wishes they had. No, I don’t go overboard fixing a place up for others but this is how I express myself. Little Ms Martha Stewart. I am crafty and love to show it.
So it has been hard for me in the last couple weeks because once the house is done and we dip back into everyday life…..What is next?????????????
There has always been something else to look forward too. Ok trips out of the country, but will we be able to afford it???
Marriage, yes that will happen sooner or later but at this point I know Neil wants to be with me, so I am not pushing it, he is far to smart of a man to ever say “ hell I will do this and if it doesn’t work out we will see what happens”. But I do want to get married to him……he is amazing, funny intelligent, responable and caring. He is my rock when I feel something is falling apart, he is always there for me and never thinks anything I feel is foolish.
I have always been such a do it because person that sometimes having to run life past another person is hard for me. I think I am pretty emotionally put together, I think I have a very good head on my shoulders but the explorer, adventure seeking girl needs to find a new outlet for her energy and drive…
But I do worry what is next in my life……No more saying I am bored with this joint, lets move on….No more just being able to go on a wim…and this is hard for me.

Again this has no reflection on how I feel about my relaltionship….I love my man more then anything in the world. He is the first man I have 100% trusted from the get go.

I think I just need more, I think the two jobs is starting to wear on me and I need more. I have been far to busy & tired for things I love. I love hours of day dreaming, at this point I have no idea when is happening next month never mind 6 months from now and I need that time to reflect. Also I need to go to school, by this summer I need to be there, I need something that stimulates my mind and I need more then decorating the house and work on my mind to talk about. I use to have so many instresting things to talk about.
Then I feel that my relationship does struggle because of the amount of energy and time that I put into everything else, I don’t feel like there is enough intimate relations and not because I or Neil don’t want it but because I am sooooooo damn tired.

I think I need a real vacation soon….I could care less if all I do is make it to Florida as long as I get somewhere soon.
I need time….to do NOTHING….Last night I had neil and I call in to Job 2 because I needed a night to have dinner and just be with him, not focusing on anything else then us really…it was nice to just cuddle and be…….I need it BAD….

Anyway…….things will work out……..time is just what is needed

Not much going on today, only 15 minute afternoon break at work. Back to work after 10 days off. I love sitting for 8 hours a day……Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Well just a few days til my birthday and I am in need of some pampering and relaxation. Maybe I will voe to do nothing on Saturday. yeah right anyone that knows me, knows I do not know how to relax without the proper use of illicit drugs.
Plus this weekend I would love to get the “walk-in” closet complete.
I am sure if all I wanted for my birthday was a leg massage from the boy he would do it for me because he loves me so.
I am really tired and may need to stop for a coffee before Job 2 today. I need a nap

It is 2007 !!!!
Is it me or has the last 7 years just flown by
Where has the time went. I certainly feel like a totally different person then I was in 2000.
My life is good at this time. All the bullshit and hard work I have done to get where I am today has been worth it
Just a few days before I turn 27 I think of where I have been and where I am now.
Hum January 1st 2000 I was recovering from far to much drinking with Beth and Tasha. Didn’t realize that would be the last time I hung out with two of my best friends together for a long time, staying with the rents until the 5th when I would be getting on a plane to Denver.
My memories of Denver are bittersweet, I became who I am today there also made my far share of mistakes and bad decisions. It was the 1st time I had my own apartment yes it was a 400 sq foot studio in Congress Park but it made me realize that living alone was fantastic.

So that pretty much sums up the last 7 years in the life of Crystal.
I wish everyone a wonderful New Year and hope that life is all you want from it